


C'mon and Slaa'm

by SharkbaitTheDork



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Silly, crossing the mcelroy streams here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkbaitTheDork/pseuds/SharkbaitTheDork
Summary: Lucas writes in his journal about carrying his grandfather's legacy. Through the sequel to dogs.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lelophant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lelophant/gifts).



> This is so ridiculous sorry. This came from a conversation with lelophant, who thought of the BuddyBot part and also likes Lucas more than anyone else on the planet <3  
> Also this won't make sense if you've never seen the Spore episodes of Monster Factory so go do that.

March 17, 1XXX

My grandfather, Rowan Miller, was an inventor first and foremost. But he had a great love for all fields of science, especially biology and genetics. His pet (ha) project was to create a new breed of dog, more superior than any other dog in every conceivable way. Stronger and better able to protect its master, yet extremely affectionate and able to form a strong emotional bond. He also borrowed some DNA from grazing animals so it can thrive with any sort of diet.

The only problem was that the first runs at this new breed (Which Rowan wanted to call “J’aa’m”, for reasons I can’t fathom) were....horrendous, to say the least. Not pleasant at all. Horrible, terrible, just Bad all around. A few of them were only heads with mouths! A fascinating scientific creation, but not what he (or anyone else for that matter) wanted. 

Unfortunately, he isn’t alive to see his final attempt at Jaa’m. With no actual mother and thus no womb to grow in, the fetuses had to be incubated in a special chamber in the lab for decades. But today, it’s time to wake up the little gremlins! I'm more than happy to carry on my grandfather's legacy but….as always I wish I could make one of my own. I'm not gonna make my mark in the world by taking care of some puppies, but whatever.  
-  
I’m pleased to say that five healthy baby Jaa’ms have been brought into the world! They’re cute in a….really creepy way. Their human-like lips are rather unsettling. And somehow they had a second face where their...something else would be. I don’t know if this is what Rowan wanted but this is what we got. Fantastic. 

They seem to have a fairly docile temperament.I didn’t have the foresight to get suitable nourishment for the pups...But I did have some applesauce in the cupboard that they seemed to enjoy just fine. After their meal, they got all snuggled up together and it was actually really adorable. I’m not the most paternal guy in the world, but I thought it would be fitting to improvise a little lullaby for them. 

“Backpack for his applesauce,  
Backpack where he keeps his applesauce,  
Jaa’m’s got that applesauce that you crave,  
Everybody catch this juicy Jaa’m wave!”

….

Well, this is why I’m a scientist and not a bard. (Note to self don’t let Johann know about this he’d never let me hear the end of it) Noelle is looking after them at the moment. I’m glad she’s here, I don’t think I could spend all day looking after them. (One of them tried to kiss me...very disturbing.) Now it’s time to do some more work on Little Genius BuddyBot.  
-  
March 18, 1XXX  
I guess I was absent-mindedly singing the Jaa’m lullaby while I was inputting data into BuddyBot...Noelle and the hugbears tell me they heard it’s singing through the vents all night long...I’ll have to patch that before I ship it out. Wonderful.

Speaking of the Jaa’ms, they grew a surprising amount since last I checked on them. Somehow they’re all at least twenty pounds heavier. It’s impressive, really. What can I say, Miller Family ingenuity at it’s finest! They are getting a little rowdy, though. Hopefully they’ll behave.  
-  
THEY DID NOT BEHAVE.

They managed to get out of their enclosure, ended up on top of the lab and just....ran off the damn thing. Lucrecia was right, go figure. They ought to be alright out on their own. Rowan’s notes said they’re extremely durable and good swimmers. They should be fine swimming in the Stillwater Sea before they find land. I’m a bit worried for them, but I have no way to find where they’ve gone. Even if I did, I have my own projects to deal with right now.

The little scamps did rough up Noelle a bit, and left quite a mess around the place. No lasting damage on anything, thank goodness. Christy is cleaning up at the moment. And I haven’t gotten around to fixing BuddyBot yet...the darn thing’s still singing…  
-

~A few days later, Magnus is taking a walk planetside for a change of scenery from the base. He comes upon a pack of these weird pink dogs that he’s never heard of before but now he has 5 new friends. He brings one back to the Bureau of Balance, chaos ensues. The Director is pissed, of course.~


End file.
